You just never know - do ya?

I've been on vacation this week, just around the house with kids.

So, I was at swimming lessons today, I usually sit and watch Jayden's preschool class. There's been this one kid, he's 4, Jaden... (Not my Jayden, but a different kid, same name...). Okay well, he's a lot of fun, really lively but, boy when he's being naughty well, he derails the class a bit. Today the kids were going in the Big Pool - Jaden must have had a bad experience with all of this because he was refusing to go and letting everyone know about it. He's a sweet kid and was cheerful and good natured in his refusal. He was also stead fast...

I couldn't help but get just a little annoyed. I mean, there he was getting all this attention for his refusal where the kids (including my Jayden) going along with all of this were getting short changed. I kept reminding myself that it's just preschool swimming and not to take it too seriously.

Well while all this was going on I was talking to Jaden's grandmother. Turns out Jaden lost his 2 year old half brother in a drunk driving accident over Memorial Day weekend. Jaden hasn't been sleeping since losing his brother, Carter.

Yep - I'm not one bit annoyed now. Not one bit... This little guy has to deal with his kid brother dying... God. Now, I see Jaden differently - I see how his strong spirit is such an asset to him now. Annoying as it maybe, on the surface. Look underneath and I see he's been given a necessary tool to help him cope.

Point taken - you just never know, do you. It's just never safe to judge people becuase you just never know why they are the way they are... Sometimes what we see as negative's are really blessings... So often what we think we know is so wrong...


P.S.

Oh and Jaden got in the big pool after some coaxing. As for all the other kids, they had a great time too! None of the kids were annoyed by Jaden, his strong personality doesn't seem to bother them a bit.

Would you like a little self loathing with that?

Okay - I don't like to do this... As a typical Oprah loving american girl, I don't like to put energy into negativity. Oh not that I don't have negativity, don't get me wrong. I just don't like to bring it out into the light and look at it. That said, here goes.....

So I did the quick draw yesterday and it was fun and difficult. I ended up with something I thought was.... okay.... Which is a victory for me - landscape painting, all green and lush, just don't happen for me. I love them! But, I can't usually paint them, well. I'm thinking on the whys on that but in the mean time......

So after we finished our works we needed to bring the all together for the judging.... That's when the egos came out. I wasn't offended by these masters, no not at all... I was jealous, and here's where the self loathing comes in.... pissed off at myself. disappointed.......

There were some REALLY good works done in the same 2 hours at the same location and I produced my latest mediocrity. Really good. confident. cocky. bold. beautiful works. I envied. oh how I envied...

So where does the pissed off at myself come in.... Here's where - these guys, well two of three were in my general age bracket. Not senior members who have decades under their belt or young punks with freakish natural talent. These were dudes my age, who did art for a living. And they didn't have one spot more talent than me. They had tons more skill. They had the confidence that comes from years of practice.

That's the rub... While they were pursuing what the loved and getting better at it every day. I was watching Maury Povich. I wasted acres of time.... Just not doing what I wanted to do. Dismissing myself and what I had to offer to the world looking for completion outside myself. I was stupid. So stupid.

Don't get me wrong, that path I followed lead me here and here is a great place. I wouldn't change a thing. Except one thing - Did I really need to watch all the Maury to get me here or could I have drawn instead? Damn.

Well the kids are back - guess that's it for self loathing time :)

Talking Art....

So, I had lunch today with a fellow artist & friend, Heather Jerdee. She's awesome, it's crazy how much we have in common and how giggling and funny we get when we are together. She's amazing and I'm so glad to know her :)

Anyway..... We got to talking in Barnes and Noble, are you supposed to do that?

Anyway.... We were talking about realism vs abstract expression. One of many topics that came up was the future of realism... We live in a photoshopped world, not that there's anything wrong with that.... It's just that photoshop, digital photograghy heck the gosh darn camera has changed the necessitiy for realisim. 500 years ago, painters painted portraits to document what a person looked like - of course, as it does today wonderful expression came out of that exercise. But today, well why have a portriat done?

I like portriats because you can show a person a side to themselves that just doesn't happen in the camera - you're free to emphazie something or exaggerate even.

The artist is also part of their work, if you ask photoshop to make something look painted it does, perfectly, blindly. If you as a painter to paint something, you'll see flaws, you'll see areas worked on, maybe stuggled with.

Most importantly, with art, you'll get a chance to see things as the artist sees them, not with just his eye but, his mind and heart also. That's art. Not perfect realisim - if you want that, take a picture. If you want to capture the mood of a room, take a really good picture. If you want to capture how you feel in that room, on this day, paint/draw/create a picture - create something with your hands, heart, mind. One way to express what's going on in there is to use your heart & mind to tell your hands what to do.

That's why you can look at art and feel connected - understand institivly what's being said, beyond words. Even relate to the artist personally. Realisim has nothing to do with that.

His birthday was supposed to be yesterday

My youngest son, Jayden had his third birthday this week, the 27th. I couldn't help remembering, that it should have been on the 26th. Why do you ask? Let me share....

Jayden wasn't in any big hurry to get started on life, in fact he was a very late little baby. He was also a very big little baby.... Both of these factors made the last few weeks in May of 2006 pretty miserable for me!

At last, heard the word every pregnant woman longs for when she's weeks late.... Induction! YES thank GOD!!! So, Chad was with me at the doctor's office getting it scheduled. They were going to do it on Friday the 26th! Awesome. Then that man pipes up, yep Chad, 'What about Saturday' he asks.... Could we do it then instead? The doctor being very kind and accommodating says yes - it will take some juggling but yes that will work.

Now, I didn't say anything - I mean there must be something very important going on on Friday that I forgot about.... I forgot a lot of things when I was pregnant, like stopping for red lights or where I parked my car... details, you know...

So on our way home I ask him, why dear did you want the induction on Saturday? Not Friday? What is so important, unmissable that would merit my enduring another day. What was it? He didn't want to take the day of work.

Yep you hear me right WORK. Didn't want to take the day off some boss man coming into the store something. Boss man.... My back went out on that blessed friday. I got the epidural to ease the back pain rather than the labor pain.... sigh... My back is still touchy - oh boss man, whoever you are, I hope you were worth it :)

Having children brings so many gifts - many I could have guessed at - but, things like this... Embarrassing, stories of my husband's massive insensitivity, that I can share and leverage for the REST of HIS LIFE.... Now that's pricesless.

Happy Birthday sweet little Jayden - Happy Birthday, no matter what day it turned out to be!

Volunteering at the Mazeppa Middle School

They had a hobby exploratorium (I think that's what's it's called) yesterday. I got to volunteer in the afternoon, showing the kids my art work.

I was awesome! So much fun!

The group I was with was centered around dogs so I did a little portrait of my georgie....

I took some pictures as I was creating my portrait.... I used those pictures to create a slide show...

I couldn't figure out how to get the slide show

So here's blogging slide show simulation......

I started with a blank sheet of paper


Then I drew an outline of George...
Then I started with shadows - big blocks first.
Then smaller blocks....
The just keep adding detail...


Before you know it you've got some eyes....


Add some white highlights and......


Your done! Well, maybe, if you can stop screwing with it.... If you can just put the pencil down.... step away slowing, before you mess it up now..... step away from the drawing... step away.....

Am I done with this one? No, probably not.. I think there's to much contrast on his hind legs, gotta smooth that over without losing to much definition.....

I'll pick away at it this weekend and post when it's done :)