Am I a Grown Up Now?

Service

2010-01-31T11:11:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday we were in the Dallas Fort Worth airport eating lunch. I was enjoying by BBQ sandwich so much I didn't notice that Morgan, our six year old son, was staring at a man.

Out of the blue, this man, a soldier comes up to us. He noticed that our son had taken an interest in him. I was in such shock I don't remember what he said but, he took a patch off the shoulder of his shirt and handed it to Morgan. Hudson was about to start his protest - 'where's mine?' When he just stopped. Not sure if it was the look Chad and I shot him or if he just understood that this was a little bigger than that.

I don't remember his name, I know he told us. I do remember that he was on his way home from Iraq to his family in California. And that he would be there for two weeks before going back to Iraq.

I'll never forget that man and the patch he gave to Morgan will be kept with our most important things.

What's so special about all of this - Service. This man, a perfect stranger, is away from his family, putting his life on the line, so we can be safe. As if that's not enough, he comes up to my little son and gives him something, right off his back.

I know it's not all cut and dry but, I was so humbled by this man. How could I match this man in giving? How could I compare in kindness? Every time I see that patch, I will always remember what service means and how all of us should work to do more.

I wish I knew who this man was, I'd like to thank him - For his example to our family and kindness to our son, Morgan.

If your curious about what the patch was, it was a 3rd Infantry Division ACU Patch -> http://www.stewart.army.mil/homepage/default.asp

A very dramatic hour

2009-07-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

Three year old drops two crayons between the panes of the patio door.... Now patio door won't close.... Mom and big brothers try to fish out crayons... No luck, Dad with his thrown out back limps over and joins in the fun. While Mom alternates between trying to fish the crayons out and crushing them with the door. Dad makes a tool out of a coat hanger...

Mom reaches back behind the curtain... Her hand is drenched in freakish sticky spider webs. She jumps - I gigantic devilish spider clings to the wall. No time for girlish shrieks she wipes the spiderwebs off her hand with the curtain. Disguising.... The eight legged demon will have to remain until the crayon incident is resolved. She keeps one eye on him while resuming her work.

As mom, dad & big brothers all work to remove or kill the door obstruction, right before our very eyes, three year old drops a stick between the panes of the patio door. WTF... Seriously. Right in front of them, the crime is committed again. But this time, not with a malleable crayon. This time it's a stick.

"I need a hero" starts running through the background of mom's mind.... Crippled husband stands up, (no offense hunny, dramatic effect) with one swift move pops of the wood face of the door track. With one quick glance determines how the door sits in the track... Through mom's protests, "no hunny! your back! let me try!" he lifts the door out of the track.... and the crayons, mostly mushed to a pulp are picked vacuumed out...

The stick was never found...

Really, we all saw the stick go in, but it wasn't there...

I didn't know there was a back hole lurking in my patio door.

Seriously - I did not lie... Seriously - I know you think I did, it was a very dramatic hour.

Improvement

2009-07-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

I took a drawing class from a local artist, Mike Schad, in January of this year. He's a wonderful, kind and honest teacher, and of course a great artist. Inspired by the first day of class, I went home and created my first charcoal portrait.

I liked it but after some of my more recent portraits, I was liking it less... So I created a new one:

Here's the original photo I worked from:

It was fun to do the same picture over again, let me see what I've been thinking over the last few weeks - I've improved..... I've been practicing obsessively, learning something new with each portrait.. Learning more about myself and my style with each piece I attempt.

I've learned that portraits are my love, my best thing. I'll work twice as hard getting a tree right as a face and ultimately I'm always happier with how the face looks.

I've learned that while it's good to stretch and learn new things there's a lot to be said for staying on home base and getting really good at what you instinctively love.

I've learned to keep the lines light, to let air into my drawing.

I've learned to see but, not force.

I'm learning I hope to go with the flow let it work or not. Stop fighting up hill because what you end up with is just forced anyway. Go with what you love.

If I can manage to hang on to these lessons, I can't wait to see what I learn in the next six months.

Love,
Heidi

You just never know - do ya?

2009-06-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

I've been on vacation this week, just around the house with kids.

So, I was at swimming lessons today, I usually sit and watch Jayden's preschool class. There's been this one kid, he's 4, Jaden... (Not my Jayden, but a different kid, same name...). Okay well, he's a lot of fun, really lively but, boy when he's being naughty well, he derails the class a bit. Today the kids were going in the Big Pool - Jaden must have had a bad experience with all of this because he was refusing to go and letting everyone know about it. He's a sweet kid and was cheerful and good natured in his refusal. He was also stead fast...

I couldn't help but get just a little annoyed. I mean, there he was getting all this attention for his refusal where the kids (including my Jayden) going along with all of this were getting short changed. I kept reminding myself that it's just preschool swimming and not to take it too seriously.

Well while all this was going on I was talking to Jaden's grandmother. Turns out Jaden lost his 2 year old half brother in a drunk driving accident over Memorial Day weekend. Jaden hasn't been sleeping since losing his brother, Carter.

Yep - I'm not one bit annoyed now. Not one bit... This little guy has to deal with his kid brother dying... God. Now, I see Jaden differently - I see how his strong spirit is such an asset to him now. Annoying as it maybe, on the surface. Look underneath and I see he's been given a necessary tool to help him cope.

Point taken - you just never know, do you. It's just never safe to judge people becuase you just never know why they are the way they are... Sometimes what we see as negative's are really blessings... So often what we think we know is so wrong...

P.S.

Oh and Jaden got in the big pool after some coaxing. As for all the other kids, they had a great time too! None of the kids were annoyed by Jaden, his strong personality doesn't seem to bother them a bit.

Would you like a little self loathing with that?

2009-06-14T08:06:00.001-07:00

Okay - I don't like to do this... As a typical Oprah loving american girl, I don't like to put energy into negativity. Oh not that I don't have negativity, don't get me wrong. I just don't like to bring it out into the light and look at it. That said, here goes.....

So I did the quick draw yesterday and it was fun and difficult. I ended up with something I thought was.... okay.... Which is a victory for me - landscape painting, all green and lush, just don't happen for me. I love them! But, I can't usually paint them, well. I'm thinking on the whys on that but in the mean time......

So after we finished our works we needed to bring the all together for the judging.... That's when the egos came out. I wasn't offended by these masters, no not at all... I was jealous, and here's where the self loathing comes in.... pissed off at myself. disappointed.......

There were some REALLY good works done in the same 2 hours at the same location and I produced my latest mediocrity. Really good. confident. cocky. bold. beautiful works. I envied. oh how I envied...

So where does the pissed off at myself come in.... Here's where - these guys, well two of three were in my general age bracket. Not senior members who have decades under their belt or young punks with freakish natural talent. These were dudes my age, who did art for a living. And they didn't have one spot more talent than me. They had tons more skill. They had the confidence that comes from years of practice.

That's the rub... While they were pursuing what the loved and getting better at it every day. I was watching Maury Povich. I wasted acres of time.... Just not doing what I wanted to do. Dismissing myself and what I had to offer to the world looking for completion outside myself. I was stupid. So stupid.

Don't get me wrong, that path I followed lead me here and here is a great place. I wouldn't change a thing. Except one thing - Did I really need to watch all the Maury to get me here or could I have drawn instead? Damn.

Well the kids are back - guess that's it for self loathing time :)

Talking Art....

2009-05-31T17:15:00.000-07:00

So, I had lunch today with a fellow artist & friend, Heather Jerdee. She's awesome, it's crazy how much we have in common and how giggling and funny we get when we are together. She's amazing and I'm so glad to know her :)

Anyway..... We got to talking in Barnes and Noble, are you supposed to do that?

Anyway.... We were talking about realism vs abstract expression. One of many topics that came up was the future of realism... We live in a photoshopped world, not that there's anything wrong with that.... It's just that photoshop, digital photograghy heck the gosh darn camera has changed the necessitiy for realisim. 500 years ago, painters painted portraits to document what a person looked like - of course, as it does today wonderful expression came out of that exercise. But today, well why have a portriat done?

I like portriats because you can show a person a side to themselves that just doesn't happen in the camera - you're free to emphazie something or exaggerate even.

The artist is also part of their work, if you ask photoshop to make something look painted it does, perfectly, blindly. If you as a painter to paint something, you'll see flaws, you'll see areas worked on, maybe stuggled with.

Most importantly, with art, you'll get a chance to see things as the artist sees them, not with just his eye but, his mind and heart also. That's art. Not perfect realisim - if you want that, take a picture. If you want to capture the mood of a room, take a really good picture. If you want to capture how you feel in that room, on this day, paint/draw/create a picture - create something with your hands, heart, mind. One way to express what's going on in there is to use your heart & mind to tell your hands what to do.

That's why you can look at art and feel connected - understand institivly what's being said, beyond words. Even relate to the artist personally. Realisim has nothing to do with that.

His birthday was supposed to be yesterday

2009-05-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

My youngest son, Jayden had his third birthday this week, the 27th. I couldn't help remembering, that it should have been on the 26th. Why do you ask? Let me share....

Jayden wasn't in any big hurry to get started on life, in fact he was a very late little baby. He was also a very big little baby.... Both of these factors made the last few weeks in May of 2006 pretty miserable for me!

At last, heard the word every pregnant woman longs for when she's weeks late.... Induction! YES thank GOD!!! So, Chad was with me at the doctor's office getting it scheduled. They were going to do it on Friday the 26th! Awesome. Then that man pipes up, yep Chad, 'What about Saturday' he asks.... Could we do it then instead? The doctor being very kind and accommodating says yes - it will take some juggling but yes that will work.

Now, I didn't say anything - I mean there must be something very important going on on Friday that I forgot about.... I forgot a lot of things when I was pregnant, like stopping for red lights or where I parked my car... details, you know...

So on our way home I ask him, why dear did you want the induction on Saturday? Not Friday? What is so important, unmissable that would merit my enduring another day. What was it? He didn't want to take the day of work.

Yep you hear me right WORK. Didn't want to take the day off some boss man coming into the store something. Boss man.... My back went out on that blessed friday. I got the epidural to ease the back pain rather than the labor pain.... sigh... My back is still touchy - oh boss man, whoever you are, I hope you were worth it :)

Having children brings so many gifts - many I could have guessed at - but, things like this... Embarrassing, stories of my husband's massive insensitivity, that I can share and leverage for the REST of HIS LIFE.... Now that's pricesless.

Happy Birthday sweet little Jayden - Happy Birthday, no matter what day it turned out to be!

Volunteering at the Mazeppa Middle School

2009-05-23T07:03:00.000-07:00

They had a hobby exploratorium (I think that's what's it's called) yesterday. I got to volunteer in the afternoon, showing the kids my art work.

I was awesome! So much fun!

The group I was with was centered around dogs so I did a little portrait of my georgie....

I took some pictures as I was creating my portrait.... I used those pictures to create a slide show...

I couldn't figure out how to get the slide show

So here's blogging slide show simulation......

I started with a blank sheet of paper

Then I drew an outline of George...
Then I started with shadows - big blocks first.
Then smaller blocks....
The just keep adding detail...

Before you know it you've got some eyes....

Add some white highlights and......

Your done! Well, maybe, if you can stop screwing with it.... If you can just put the pencil down.... step away slowing, before you mess it up now..... step away from the drawing... step away.....

Am I done with this one? No, probably not.. I think there's to much contrast on his hind legs, gotta smooth that over without losing to much definition.....

I'll pick away at it this weekend and post when it's done :)

Different Strokes for Different Folks

2009-05-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

I'm trying something new..... Different strokes for different folks. Every few weeks we get a new challenge, Karin Jurick puts up a new photo on her blog. Then we create our own image of the photo. I think the idea is, to use our own voice and create something unique - not duplicate the photo perfectly realistically. (unless of course, that's what you do)

If your interested in buying a print, please check out my etsy store, diig.etsy.com

You like me, you really like me!

2009-04-18T14:47:00.000-07:00

The Poet/Artist collaboration reception was last night. This was Crossings eighth year holding the anunal reception. It was the brain-child of the group there and what a great idea it is! Oh it was a wonderful night - I saw so many of my artist-friends! Of course, I was to afraid to talk to any of them, that would mean I'd have to leave my safe happy little corner. Now, that's probably my only regret of the evening, I didn't get a chance to tell Lisa, or Megan or Connie how incredible their work is. I should have sought them out but, I was an artist reception virgin. I hope they'll forgive me and remember that as wonderful as the first time can be you just don't have the technique down yet :)

So here's how this deal went down. First you mingle, have some wine and enjoy the art and company. That was my time to hide in the corner and try not to knock anything over. Seriously, I don't know what came over me about for an hour or so before the show, I dropped everything I touched... It was a klutzy flavor of nervousness I'd never seen before.

After a bit, it's time for the readings to begin.

Yep, readings... So here's the format - the poet makes a few comments on the art, and what inspired them to write their poem. Then the poet reads their poem. Then, he hands the MICROPHONE, yes microphone, to the artist to say a few words, about the poem and about their art. This was what I was freaking out about. I didn't know what to say..... So as I enjoyed the reception, in the back of my mind I came up with something.

So, how'd it go? How'd I do? Sally Feild said it best ->

So did the painting sell? I don't know, it doesn't matter. What matters is the compliments, not just from friends but, from strangers it was amazing. They liked me, the really liked me, it was amazing....

2009-03-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

uf dah - it's been a tough couple weeks.... The pressure I've put on myself over the poet artist collaboration has done a number on me. I think it started when I picked up my poem, Lisa a Crossings mentioned to me that they usually have good luck selling the paints from Poet/Artist... In my mind I was thinking - 'WHAT? Sell it? uh so someone would like pay money for my painting, man it better be good then'.

Well that set the course, anytime my painting got a little challenging... The pressure of SELLING it kicked in.... The idea that my goof up might scar someone's living room was just too much!

Then, thankfully, I went to Denise Bunkart's pastel class. She talked a lot about pressure, and thinking you need to create a masterpiece... It made me realize that I just need to focus on creating and not on the results...

Well, I know I need to do that but, I'm still self critical, more than I should be... But, a least I was able to put brush to canvas and created something - that if I squint and look at sideways, I think is well, okay... :)

Big Day

2009-02-25T15:13:00.000-08:00

Well, I got some good news today - I was selected to participate in Crossings Poet/Artist collaboration. I need to create a work of art, inspired by a poem then present it at a reception for display....

It's a really big deal for me - 30 years after declaring, at 4 years old, that I wanted to be an artist I'm actually going to create something that my be displayed in a gallery... I know that may not sound like a big deal, but it is for me and I'm so excited - it's taken 30 years to work up the nerve to do something with art and while it's just a little something - I'm going to do SOMETHING!!!

I was thinking on the way home - I don't call myself an artist - never use the term. I'll say 'I draw' or 'I paint' but, I won't call myself an 'artist'... It's a mental block I just CAN'T do it. I run into these all the time in yoga - I'll try a pose get so far into it and then, I just won't be able to go any further. Not because I physically can't but because my mind says - 'No you can't do this.' 'Your body can't do this' - 'you'll fall', 'you'll get hurt'. Well, I think it's the same with calling myself an artist - my mind says 'You can't do this' - 'you'll fail', 'you'll get hurt'. So, I'm going to try what I do with yoga... I let it be in class, then when I get home, I have Chad spot for me, or I pile up pillows so if I fall I won't get hurt, then, when I feel 'safe'. I work into it - nice and easy. If I don't get it right away - I learn from my mistakes and try again... Eventually, I usually get it...

So, this is my baby step - got a few pillows, Chad's spotting for me. I'm a little scared but, I feel safe. Here goes....

Touchin the law maker

2009-02-23T17:52:00.000-08:00

Yep, I'm just sitting here at my Mac and what do I hear - 'Touchin the law maker are ya!" - it was Chad. Hudson goes running by with a fly swatter in his hand hollering "I've got the law maker!!!" Soon Morgan and Chad took Hud down, reclaiming the 'law-maker' to it's rightful owner...

Yep, while I was neglecting my maternal duties my sweet hubby deciding to take control of the chaos with a fly swatter. That's just how we roll I guess... :)

Three boys is enough to drive you crazy - believe me, we're there!

Hud's locked in the closet now, guess the lawmaker has lost it's power :)

d-day

2009-01-27T08:19:00.000-08:00

It's quite around here today.... No hall talk, no laughter, no jokes. They are announcing layoffs today. We are each being called into a room and told, we can stay or we must go. I'm okay, I've been called in and I know, I get to keep my job, this time. I'm happy and relieved but, it's spooky around here today. I know there will be friends let go today, friends I just won't see again. And I know that their lives will turned upside down. And our managers, they get to spend the day handing out grim news, even for those of us staying, it's hardly a happy day. Those of us staying now know that we're just that much closer to the cut next time. I keep imagining all of us trying to stay on a shrinking island. Clamoring over each other trying to search for higher ground - trying to stand out, do more, do better don't get cut next time. There will be a next time, that's almost a certainty.

It's going to be tough to concentrate today, we're in limbo... We don't know who's been cut or how many, there's no plans to make or execute and it's just tough to concentrate on anything - it's just so quite...

It's hard to talk to our friend here - afterall, what if they got cut and you didn't? Wouldn't that be awful to say how your safe not knowing they weren't.

So I just have to try to find something to do, focus damn it on something other than this and my cold clamy palms.

Father and Son

2008-09-12T14:05:00.000-07:00

Here's a painting of Chad holding my little Jayden

My Three Sons

2008-09-12T14:01:00.001-07:00

Here's a painting I did of my little boys - Hudson, Jayden & Morgan

Curious George for Jayden 2

2008-09-12T13:58:00.001-07:00

This was the second picture of CG I did for my little guy

Curious George For Jayden

2008-09-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

Here's a painting I did for my two year old son, Jayden

IF - Hats

2007-11-04T13:45:00.001-08:00

I couldn't decide what to do for Hats this week - so I ended up with two... The top one is just a fun little sketch of some hats - fits pretty well. The other is my little boy wearing a toy fireman's hat. As always - comments are appreciated!

IF - Grow

2007-10-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

Here's my take on this week's topic - Grow - it's a little sketch of my son's first steps - They grow up too fast!!! I did this drawing the sepia charcoal...
Now that I look at it again - it also looks a little like he's sleeping sigh.... Oh well - take it how you'd like :) comments are always welcome.

IF - The Blues

2007-09-30T13:53:00.001-07:00

Here's my take on this week's IF - I call it "baby blues". There's nothing worse, to me, than to be disconnected from the happiest moments in life... I think that's what the baby blues are all about.

As always - comments are welcome and appreciated!!

IF - juggle

2007-09-23T15:22:00.001-07:00

This is my little take on juggle...

IF - Wedding

2007-09-20T16:37:00.001-07:00

In this drawing I used my wedding picture as a reference. So, this is me... About eleven years ago - yikes!!!! I'm a little puzzled and have seen it on my other pictures too - for some reason, what I draw on paper ends up looking narrower after I scan it into my PC.... My face in this picture looks much narrower than it does on my paper... I don't know why that would happen - if anyone has any ideas, let me know! As always, please comment!

2007-09-09T13:44:00.000-07:00

Here's my entry for this week's IF - Momentum.... Sometimes, I guess no matter how hard you try, it's just better to go with the flow - after all, it will take you with it either way!

IF - Alphabets

2007-09-03T13:43:00.001-07:00

Alphabets just jumped me right to reading, with it being the last weekend of summer, well I thought this little diddy fit the bill. I drew it with pencil on a children's drawing pad and then colored it on my PC. Let me know what you think!

IF - Visitor

2007-08-30T16:59:00.001-07:00

When I first thought of this week's IF, I thought of aliens and then for some reason this little creature came to mind. Just imagine her showing up at your door with her jello salad. (Madrin oranges and all) - Now that would be a alien visitor to my house!

IF - Capitan

2007-08-19T15:02:00.001-07:00

I worked off and on for a couple days on a illo for this week, but I just couldn't get it right. So I started over and in a couple hours I had this. I'm pretty happy with it. It's done just with a pencil and paper, just scanned and cropped. I was going for a stern, weathered, fishing boat Capitan. I added in the rain after the initial drawing was done, we've been getting some flooding around here this weekend so, it just didn't seem right without some rain falling. Let me know what you think!

IF - Emergency

2007-08-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

I didn't have much time this week so, I just did a quick sketch.... I wouldn't call it done but, I think it qualifies as an emergency!

It's all pencil sketching again - I can do that so much faster than digital - Just scanned it and cropped it. Let me know what you think!

IF - Missing

2007-08-06T19:02:00.001-07:00

My IF this week was all hand drawn, I only scanned and cropped the image on my PC. I'm pretty proud of it - As far as how this drawing relates to the topic of missing.... Well, I'll leave that up to you - is this little guy missing his favorite toy or blanket, or something more?

Anyhow - I'm taking a little license with IF this week but, I just really wanted to draw this and I'm proud of it. Please let me know what you think!

IF - Moon

2007-08-01T17:10:00.000-07:00

Here's my crack at this weeks Illustration Friday - moon. Let me know what you think!

2007-07-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

Here's a little something I tried for Illustration Friday. Discovery!

I'm just starting with all this so, comments are welcome!

2007-07-06T15:44:00.000-07:00

Here's a little self portrait.

I hope post more little pictures here as I have time.